It never really bothered me about having a boyfriend until I reached the age of 16. During secondary school the majority of everyone around me had boyfriends except my group of friends so I guess at the time I didn't think much of it but it still bothered me (then again I did go to an all girls school but still...). I suppose the older I got the more it bothered me and now being at university it is all I can think about.
It's not that I choose to constantly think about being single, it's just that I'm surrounded by couples 24/7! (I actually live with 2 couples :( Happy couples to be exact!). There are days sometimes even weeks I go without thinking about being single, but then something reminds me that I'm alone and it honestly makes a little sad. It's weird though because my best friend is single like me but I don't think being single affects her as much as me, simply because she can go to uni and see couples but then when she goes home she doesn't have to hear or see couples being all mushy and all lovey dovey with each other (lucky her).
I can honestly say I am jealous of my flatmates in relationships. They have someone to talk to besides their family members and friends. They get to spend time with the people who make them happy and are loved for the way they are and look. It honestly makes me think that there's something wrong with the way I look and I think having braces, and my 'currently in need of a perm' hair isn't helping right now. I do think that one of the main reasons as to why I don't have a boyfriend, or have guys attempt to talk to me is because of my size. I feel like they just can't deal with alllll of thisss (#MyWifeandKids Jay Style).
I have days where I feel and look fly and I can tell from the expression on guy faces but they never try to pursue me at all, they don't even bother!
BUT!!! That's just one of my many theories. I have a superpower Dreamers.... I have the ability to drive guys away but acting weird around them. I kind of push them away or make them regret double looking me, for example; when I walk pass a guy I begin to panic and will make an ugly face! You know that you're ruining your own chances when you mum questions you as to why you always make those weird faces or tells you to smile more! I don't know why I do this. I blame going to an all girls school, even though I loved it until it got taken over by Harris Academy the worst thing that could EVER possibly happen?!? How is Harris going to get rid of the mainstream teachers during my last year of A Levels? How am I going to be taught by teachers that are 2-3 years older than me, Harris please.. I could teach myself the syllabus as they were practically learning it as we went along in the last 2-3 months of my A Levels! Anyway that's not even relevant to this blog but jheeze I needed to vent that.
I honestly feel like I'm going to end up finding someone on a dating website, because the only people that actually notice my presence and wanna try be all over me are, crusty, old, near death African and Jamaican men. I find it to be actually insulting.
I have to admit though I feel like that if I were to be in a relationship I would be pretty selfish or they would find me annoying because I like 'my time'. I enjoy spending time alone, listening to music and being with my own thoughts, so I'm sure that's one of the reasons I'm alone, single and sad.
So my Dreamers this is how I feel most days. Have any of you felt or thought this way before?
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